THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
Today, Monday, The 4th of April, 2005 is hands-down the best day of my life.
To start, I felt almost normal today - my blood cell counts are higher, still not normal, but I was able to remain active all day and not need a rest. I had a very productive morning and went to my chemo appointment at 2pm. I was nervous, didn't want another IV. My arms are destroyed from the hospital - and I'm a little regretful that I cancelled that port surgery. I'm down to 155 lbs. - that's a net loss of 14 lbs. since I started treatment. I have felt so incredibly bad for the past week that I didn't want any chemo today. I took it like a man and laid down so I wouldn't faint and held Stacy's hand real tight while they took my blood sample.
Nurse Stephanie came back and told me that my counts are still going up and will double again soon. Better yet, when I asked for her help in developing a system to determine approximately when my counts will hit the floor and rise up again, she explained to me that it won't be as bad as it was last week ever again. See, my counts went WAY down last time right before they gave me the WBC booster shot - and the type of cells that the booster needs to work with weren't there - so the booster basically did nothing for me. This won't happen again, because now we know how my immune system responds to chemo, and now those cells that the booster works with are there - so they'll be able to give me the booster in time to actually do something.
This is HUGE, because I've figured out that my out of body feelings of horrible sub-human pain and sensory perception problems and chest pains and night sweats and heat rashes and anxiety attacks are all related to my WBC count being way low. I'm sure it's more complicated than that chemically, but it's all related to my having a deficient immune system.
I had resigned myself to face the music and deal with feeling as bad as I felt last week - even if it meant going through more ER trips and staying in the hospital - totally worth it for the payout. But I don't have to now and that's big - now I know that the worst pain is over - I've already done it! I'm half-way through chemo and I know what to expect for the second half. There are no guarantees, but logically we are now armed with the knowledge to move forward in a much safer strategy than we had to start with. Chemo is a chemical cocktail that can really hurt, and everyone is different - the human body is really delicate and this stuff shreds it - but now we know how mine works a little better.
I equate this to the Allied deciphering of the "Enigma" machine during WWII. The Axis used the Enigma to transmit encrypted messages to the field. The Allies broke the code, and used the information they intercepted to win the war.
Today we broke the code.
We also know that my body freaks out when my WBC counts hit zero - so no more of that.
While in the hospital, Dr. York told me something that I hadn't heard previously. I don't know if he just didn't tell me for whatever reason, or if he did tell me and I forgot, but after my first 3 week round of chemo, they took my blood enzyme levels again. Remember, those enzymes determine the level of cancer in your bloodstream. He told me that my numbers looked really good. At the time, I felt horrible, so I didn't pay much attention.
Today at Chemo, Stephanie showed me the numbers. My Alpha-Feto Protein before starting chemo was at 30 ML and a normal person's is at 6.1 or less. After my first cycle of chemo ( I have four cycles total ) I was at 6.2. My Chorionic Gonadontropin level was at 2383 before chemo and a normal person's is at 5 or less. That's not a typo - 2383 is a very high number for this. After my first round of chemo, it dropped all the way to 30.
Keep in mind that was after my first round of chemo - today I finished my second round to make me 50% done.
Nurse Stephanie called my progress so far "remarkable".
I burst into tears of joy. I've never cried like that in my life. I had this incredible emotional outburst for 30 minutes strait in the chemo chair. Nurse Stephanie said that I was going to make her cry. I looked her in the eye and told her that when I die, I will remember this day and what she told me. I thanked her for helping me, and thanked her for doing what she does with her life.
I found Dr. York, my Oncologist, and accidentally burst into tears with him too. I choked out what I wanted to say, and thanked him for saving my life, and thanked him for dedicating his life to healing others.
There is no more admirable use of a life. These people have made it so that I can continue living. Without people in the world like Dr. York and Nurse Stephanie, I would have died from this.
The War isn't over, but it's just a matter of time now. 6 more weeks to be exact.
Today is the day that I beat Cancer.
Today is the best day of my life.
To start, I felt almost normal today - my blood cell counts are higher, still not normal, but I was able to remain active all day and not need a rest. I had a very productive morning and went to my chemo appointment at 2pm. I was nervous, didn't want another IV. My arms are destroyed from the hospital - and I'm a little regretful that I cancelled that port surgery. I'm down to 155 lbs. - that's a net loss of 14 lbs. since I started treatment. I have felt so incredibly bad for the past week that I didn't want any chemo today. I took it like a man and laid down so I wouldn't faint and held Stacy's hand real tight while they took my blood sample.
Nurse Stephanie came back and told me that my counts are still going up and will double again soon. Better yet, when I asked for her help in developing a system to determine approximately when my counts will hit the floor and rise up again, she explained to me that it won't be as bad as it was last week ever again. See, my counts went WAY down last time right before they gave me the WBC booster shot - and the type of cells that the booster needs to work with weren't there - so the booster basically did nothing for me. This won't happen again, because now we know how my immune system responds to chemo, and now those cells that the booster works with are there - so they'll be able to give me the booster in time to actually do something.
This is HUGE, because I've figured out that my out of body feelings of horrible sub-human pain and sensory perception problems and chest pains and night sweats and heat rashes and anxiety attacks are all related to my WBC count being way low. I'm sure it's more complicated than that chemically, but it's all related to my having a deficient immune system.
I had resigned myself to face the music and deal with feeling as bad as I felt last week - even if it meant going through more ER trips and staying in the hospital - totally worth it for the payout. But I don't have to now and that's big - now I know that the worst pain is over - I've already done it! I'm half-way through chemo and I know what to expect for the second half. There are no guarantees, but logically we are now armed with the knowledge to move forward in a much safer strategy than we had to start with. Chemo is a chemical cocktail that can really hurt, and everyone is different - the human body is really delicate and this stuff shreds it - but now we know how mine works a little better.
I equate this to the Allied deciphering of the "Enigma" machine during WWII. The Axis used the Enigma to transmit encrypted messages to the field. The Allies broke the code, and used the information they intercepted to win the war.
Today we broke the code.
We also know that my body freaks out when my WBC counts hit zero - so no more of that.
While in the hospital, Dr. York told me something that I hadn't heard previously. I don't know if he just didn't tell me for whatever reason, or if he did tell me and I forgot, but after my first 3 week round of chemo, they took my blood enzyme levels again. Remember, those enzymes determine the level of cancer in your bloodstream. He told me that my numbers looked really good. At the time, I felt horrible, so I didn't pay much attention.
Today at Chemo, Stephanie showed me the numbers. My Alpha-Feto Protein before starting chemo was at 30 ML and a normal person's is at 6.1 or less. After my first cycle of chemo ( I have four cycles total ) I was at 6.2. My Chorionic Gonadontropin level was at 2383 before chemo and a normal person's is at 5 or less. That's not a typo - 2383 is a very high number for this. After my first round of chemo, it dropped all the way to 30.
Keep in mind that was after my first round of chemo - today I finished my second round to make me 50% done.
Nurse Stephanie called my progress so far "remarkable".
I burst into tears of joy. I've never cried like that in my life. I had this incredible emotional outburst for 30 minutes strait in the chemo chair. Nurse Stephanie said that I was going to make her cry. I looked her in the eye and told her that when I die, I will remember this day and what she told me. I thanked her for helping me, and thanked her for doing what she does with her life.
I found Dr. York, my Oncologist, and accidentally burst into tears with him too. I choked out what I wanted to say, and thanked him for saving my life, and thanked him for dedicating his life to healing others.
There is no more admirable use of a life. These people have made it so that I can continue living. Without people in the world like Dr. York and Nurse Stephanie, I would have died from this.
The War isn't over, but it's just a matter of time now. 6 more weeks to be exact.
Today is the day that I beat Cancer.
Today is the best day of my life.
posted by Bill McDaniel at 5:24 PM
3 Comments:
Dude, Bill, you're making me cry at work. Quit it. But seriously, that is awesome. Congratulations. I knew you would beat the sh*t out of cancer. I admire your courage and strength and I know that you'll continue to whoop ass.
Susie
Yahooooooo!!!!!! What wonderful news!!!! Hang in there honey and keep up the tough work.
Love to you all,
Jenn
Dear Bill,
I hope you are having a great day and are feeling better.
Love,
Your cousin Rachel
Post a Comment
<< Home