When a survivor meets a survivor in the wild

Over the weekend, Stacy and I were packing in the fun stuff and it was great. We were on the scooter looking at houses and going to brunch with Drew and Deborah - just enjoying a great summer morning in Atlanta. On the way home in the afternoon, we stopped by the Grocery to pick up all the stuff to make quiche for our make up Mother's day which we had postponed because Mom was traveling the previous weekend and I was bed-ridden still.

Enough background info - we were rushing through Publix trying to remember how much of what goes into a quiche, when a guy stopped me and asked if I was going through chemo. You'd think that it would be weird that someone stops you in public to ask something so personal, but it's not at all. Anyone who would have the gall to stop you and ask you that must have a story themselves, and I'm finding that the majority of survivors LOVE telling their story - almost like war veterans.

I told this guy that yes, I had just gotten out of chemo a few weeks ago and he gave me some great compliments about how well I'm doing. I took those very well because I am pretty darn proud about how much energy I have and how good I feel so far - I'm doing much better than I should be doing at this point.

Turns out that he is a leukemia survivor - the kind that doesn't need bone marrow transplants - it's a different kind that is much more survivable. Stacy later told me that his chances were about equal to my chances. He though that I had it worse off with the TC, and I thought that he had it worse off with the lymph node cancer - so we were both patting each other on the back at about the same rate. He has been in remission for about a year, which is the next milestone that I hope to get to, and it's a great relief for someone to reach the year mark - because it normally means that the cancer isn't going to come back in any major strength, even if it does come back after the year mark.

He brought up that he was a lawyer by trade before his diagnosis and he talked about how his life is completely different now, and how he has very different priorities than he ever had. The way he was talking about how his life had changed, I'll bet you that he was one of these pompous arrogant lawyer-type guys who only cared about his career and bragged about social status and had the country club membership and had no respect for anyone outside of their firm, and hated anyone above him inside his firm. Maybe that's a huge assumption on my part, but I'm telling you that he focused on this for a few minutes and it was almost like he was getting it off his chest. The point is that his life is completely different and after I told him that we were engaged, he looked at me and Stacy and said that we had already figured out what was important in life.

He had a fiance when they were in their 20's and the ended up breaking off the engagement because they were too young to get married - his words. They maintained a friendship in life, then later she passed from cancer - he didn't mention the type. Sad story. But now, this guy really has it together and he has a zest for life that comes across in a 10 minute conversation in the diary section with a stranger. When the talk came to an end, we shook hands and I said it was a true pleasure to meet him, and he told me that I made his day - then he said he was off to find some ben and jerry's ice cream, because he deserved that little pleasure in life - I couldn't agree more.

Stacy and I got back to our shopping and then it hit me - that guy made my day too. It was so cool to meet some stranger outside of the chemo room who I know has the same thoughts and feelings about life as I do now. Just some regular guy who knows how precious life is and who will take the 10 minutes to share some of that with a like-minded person in the middle of the grocery. That's pretty cool. As luck would have it, we ran into him again in the parking lot and I got to shake his hand again and tell him that I eventually figured out that he had made my day as well. We agreed that we'd be on the lookout for each other in the future, and went our separate ways to enjoy our separate lives - both enjoying our lifetime memberships in the cancer club.

The Road Ahead

We went to see Dr. York yesterday, and everything as it should be. My blood cell counts are all doing pretty well. My WBC count is around 6500, on the low end of normal, but normal all the same. My red cell count is the lowest it's been all treatment, but it's still within tolerable ranges - and it should be low right now, I've been getting beat up for 3 months.

I brought all the staff flowers and put them in the chemo room so all the sick people could enjoy them too. That bought me a few hugs and I got to see a bunch of people who helped me through the last few months smile.

When we sat down with Dr. York, we were in the exact same room and seating positions as we were during our initial consultation with him. I said "Dr. York, three and a half months ago, we were all three sitting right here and you told me and Stacy that we would all be OK - and here we are!" It was a weird deja vu feeling, but in a really good way since he was right!

Here's the game plan. I see him every month, once per month for the next year. During those visits, we'll discuss my recovery from the chemo and we'll take blood to check my protein markers and see if the cancer is coming back. Every two months, we'll also to a chest CT scan to make sure nothing's funky in the ol' chest cavity.

If the cancer comes back, basically the sooner it's back the worse. The next course of action will be a bone marrow transplant, and that's super scary stuff. As Stacy explained to me - and she admits that this is only her interpretation as a student here - they will take out some of my bone marrow ( owie ), then they will give me a very high dose of chemo ( double-owie ), then that will put me into another neutropenic fever ( triple-owie ), which will kill anything and everything, then they will put the bone marrow back in me ( quad-druple-owie? ). My knees are weak just re-reading that sentence. On the bright side, Dr. York said that with numbers like mine, it would be very weird to see this cancer come back - and I know him well enough now to know that he wouldn't say something like that unless he were almost positive about it. No guarantees, but it's as close as a guy like me is gonna get from a guy like him at this point.

More importantly, I feel terrific. I have normal energy levels. I'm able to function almost all day without needing a rest. We ran errands after the Doc appt. - went to the PO and to Target and got some Starbucks and drove all around looking at houses for sale in Renyoldstown and Inman Park. Then Stacy and Mom went to the florist to pick out wedding flowers, I messed around on the computer for a few hours, then we all went out to dinner at Johnny's Pizza. Sorry for all the detail, point is I was on the move from noon until 10:30 and I was tired, but not exhausted.

Also, we fell in love with a tudor cottage in Inman Park and we're going to see it today - I should probably get a job before buying a house that I can't afford, but hey... um... yeah.

So, I'm already looking for jobs. I'm working on the resume and a few of you out there have helped me with that already - again, I really appreciate that. I'm excited about being employed again. I'm ready to have productive days again and I'm even a little bit excited about getting dressed every day and going somewhere - which is weird because I didn't like doing that before the cancer. My rule about not wearing pants might be coming to an end. I'd like to find a spot in a hospital IT group, but I'm seeing some interesting postings out there for regular businesses too. I think I'd really like some morally rewarding position, but I'm not going to hold out for one right now - I need to get back in the game as quickly as possible at this point - for mental health reasons as much as financial ones. I'm gonna go crazy sitting around this house for much longer.

I was telling my Mom last night when I walked her to her car after dinner, I feel like I've turned a corner. I've talked to a few of you about this recently, so I'm going on record now and making it official - so hold me to it! I've had some horrible health habits for the past decade of adult life. Somehow I never learned that health is something you have to work at. Growing up, I always thought of sports like I thought of church - you had to go X times per week just because. You know, on Tuesday night I went to basketball practice and on Sunday night I went to youth group - for no other reason than because my parents told me to - I didn't particularly like either one!

It's absolutley not my parent's fault that I thought this way, and I think I turned out marginally better because I went to youth group - not b-ball though, that sucked and I sucked at it and I still don't like it. Also I stand by my claim that any sport in which a team scores constantly is a stupid sport - points should take time, strategy, and talent to earn and in basketball, you basically watch one guy on a team have a good night and get lucky every night - that's the whole game - it should be called "who's gonna have a good night" instead of b-ball. It's stupid and if you like it then you are stupid too.

Back to what I was telling Mom. I feel like I've turned a corner, because now I see that there isn't a warranty with my body - I have to take care of it - and that's not some empty waste of time like basketball practice, that's actually my one and only, most important job in life. That means I have to exercise and get my heart rate up, ideally every day for 30 minutes or so. It also means that I need to eat right, which luckily I'm pretty good at already.

I need to watch the booze - I've been dry except for a handful of drinks during the past 4 months and I feel really good. It's amazing how good you feel in the morning when you don't drink a bottle of wine the night before. My new drinking philosophy is simple - have fewer, nicer drinks. At the next party, instead of having 6 beers I'll have 2 scotch's and when Stacy and I have a nice dinner, we'll have one bottle of $50 wine instead of 2 bottles of $25 wine.

I'm also planning on thinking of alcohol as part of the meal, which has been very effective for me in the past. If I have wine with dinner, I pair it with the entree and keep it to one or two glasses during dinner. Then when I move on to desert, I finish my wine and have coffee. In my mind, that stops the drinking process and rounds out the meal for me. That way, when we get home from a nice dinner, I'm much less likely to pop open more wine and continue drinking - and even if I do, at least I took a break for an hour or so with the coffee and desert course. This will be super easy to do, because Stacy loves having coffee at the end of nice dinners already - I'm always the one to spoil it and order more wine because I want to continue drinking.

In all honesty, you guys know that I've been calming down my lifestyle for the past few years now anyway. Does this mean that you'll never see me take another Tequila shot? Hell no, it will happen again ( bachelor party ), but it will be fewer and farther between as time goes on - and that was gonna happen anyway without the cancer. Most Men tend to calm down when good Women do things like agree to marry them. Also, as I get older, it seems less important to argue about nothing at the bar at night and more important to get things done in the morning.

In summary, the next year is going to be all about establishing a healthy lifestyle for the guy who never knew he needed it. It won't happen overnight and I will need help with it. When I first got sick, many of you pitched in and got me presents. I'm know I have the right friends around me because instead of a bottle of nice scotch, I was given a commercial blender to make protein smoothies. That's a perfect example of the person I was vs. the person I want to try to become.

Force Feeding and Bed Rest

It's Tuesday - and I'm up and out of bed for a few hours at a time today. I still have all the anxiety and my ears are ringing pretty bad, but I'm able to walk around the house and cook and do simple tasks like that now - woo hoo!

I've been taking it real easy ( not by choice ) since my last chemo treatment last Friday, and I wanted to talk a little about my get-better-quicker strategy. It ain't pretty, but it might help someone out there so here goes...

Sleep as much as you can. Sleep and bed rest help so much. You do have to get up though - I'm not sure if they qualify as official bed sores, but you will start hurting after laying in bed for a day - so even though it's hard, make yourself get up and sit in a chair or on the couch for a little bit. That breaks up the day too ;).

I've been very queesy lately - to the point where I've been taking compezine for anti-nauseua almost constantly since my last treatment. When you feel that way, the last thing you want to do is eat. I've taken the exact opposite stance and I've eaten as much as I can. I feel better sooner when I fuel myself, so I've stomached the uncomfortable feelings and so far I've been able to push through the sickness without incident. For me, it helps. BONUS: It makes you feel normal if you eat normal sized meals. Also, after loosing a little chemo weight, Stacy is letting me eat all the ice cream i want.

The pain in my arms from my veins is very distracting, and I'm not sure if there's any way to ignore it, but it's already starting to subside, and the bruises are going down - so I guess my advice is to remain patient and understand that the damage won't be undone overnight. I never tried any cold compresses or anything, though that may have well been a good idea.

The marks on my shoulders from the Bleomycin are still there in force and they look horrible, but they don't hurt so I'm not too worried about them. My blisters are all healing and don't hurt either. I'm starting to notice a few - and i mean a few dozen - hairs growing on my beard. I can feel them when I run my fingers against the grain. Nothing near a recovery, but it's something new anyway. Hair topside is scruffy, but still notibly thin.

Last Chemo Treatment Day

Nurse Stephanie and the "Chemo King" on my last day in the chair.
I had my last treatment this past Friday. I showed up, late, as I normally do when I'm feeling bad - and as I walked around the corner into the Chemo room, I saw that all the Nurses had made a sign for my pole, a "Chemo King" crown for my head, and even a breakfast muffin to celebrate my last day! It was certainly unexpected and I was very appreciative. I tell you, these people are top notch - above and beyond until the bitter end.

I'm feeling pretty bad this weekend and haven't made it out of the house. I'm very nausious and tired, so I'm sleeping most of the time. Temp has been normal and hopefully that will stay consistant. My next appointment is on Thursday, to go get my blood counts checked again. Truth be told, once again, if I make it past Tuesday without an ER trip, I'm essentially in the clear. It's all upwards and onwards from here!

One More Day

Boy this week has been hard. I've just finished my second to last day in the chair - I slept through most of it. That's all I've been doing this week actually - I've been very tired, just waking up to eat a little bit and take more anti-nauseua meds. I knew I had started off a little below par this week, but man it's really taking it out of me. One more day in the chair and I can focus on recovery.

Grandparent Update

Both of my Grandfather's underwent surgery last Tuesday. I've now spoken with them both, and they are in great spirits and feeling better every day. My Father's Father ( Big Daddy ) had a minor procedure which I expected him to bounce right back from - still it's always good news for a person in their 70's. My Mother's Father ( Grampy ) had open heart surgery to replace his aortic valve. That invloves stopping the lungs and heart during the procedure, then restarting them afterwards. Needless to say, we were all very hopeful and worried.

I spoke with him last night and he sounds ten years younger. He's still hospitalized this week, but will be going home today and with some help around the house, he'll be moving around on his own in just a few weeks - about the same time I'll be moving around consistantly again! He had his typical "zest for life" in his voice again - I can't explain it on paper, but you could tell he felt better just by hearing him speak. He was laughing and making jokes and wishing me well in finishing my battle. It's it amazing what the surgens are capable of these days?

Being the first-born of my generation, I'm lucky enough to be old enough to begin to understand the dynamic of multi-generation family by getting to know my Grandparents at an adult level. Talking about the great depression and WWII and having a drink with your grandfather is priceless. Understanding the tough times that your family has been through really helps me understand how lucky we truely are today. And hearing Grampy's voice sound so much like I remember it instead of the slow sad decline for the past few years - it's like a relief coming off your shoulders that you really didn't even know you were bearing.

Week Ten - Surprise Ending!

Back in the chair today, I'm feeling pretty OK with it. I met with Dr. York, my Oncologist, this morning. I'm having a few skin problems at this point in my treatment that I discussed with him. I have discolorization of the skin on my shoulders - it looks like someone tattooed me with olive green ink in big blotches all over both of them. I have very dry skin in my hands and arms, and my beard area of my face and neck itch like crazy - it wakes me up at night and I have to apply lotion. One vein in my left arm has bruised or burned or something - it causes a sharp pain when I rotate my forearm, so that wakes me up too. I also have a localized heat rash all around my belly button! Strange stuff in my mind, but he said it's all related to one of the drugs I'm on - Bleomycin.

So, in response, he took me off of it completely! He said it is the least effective of the chemo meds that I'm on, and since I'm ALREADY IN COMPLETE REMISSION (!), he's pulling it from my remaining schedule! This is only significant because I was getting the Bleo injection on my "short" weeks, every Monday. Now that it's off the schedule, I won't be done in three weeks from today, I'll be done THIS FRIDAY!

Before we get all crazy happy, I must say that the Bleo doesn't make me feel bad at all, as far as I can tell. I feel OK after the Monday injections, so they really weren't such a big deal to come in for. Being done 2 weeks early is great, but I'll still be using that time to recover from my big week, which started today. Even so, it's awesome news - and to hear those sweet words "complete remission", well that's pretty fantastic. After Dr. York told me that he was pulling the Bleo, I suggested that we just pull all of it since I'm doing so well - he chuckled and continued writing his notes - the universal doctor mannerism for "no way".

So begins the fourth and last hard week - week 10 - life in the chair still sucks, but I'm on a short countdown now. The only challenge left now is making sure the WBC booster is as effective as it was last cycle, so that I stay out of the ER. Wish me luck - the end is in sight!